This blog post is for those babes who are going through the dating process and weeding out the ones who aren’t a good fit for you. A big part of attracting the right person is creating boundaries and knowing what you will and will not put up with during the courtship process (as well as the relationship).
Now that I am in a great place personally, career wise and financially, I have been creating more time and space to date and this week, I was reminded of a boundary that I haven’t had to exercise in quite some time.
I had met this (handsome, charming, witty, successful) man online (Let’s call him KING) and I was super excited to meet him in person. We scheduled a night that worked for both of us and he confirmed the day before that we were a go (insert happy dance here)! But then it happened… he canceled on me the day of our date. It brought up a boundary I created years ago, to move on quickly from those who can’t show up on a first date (unless it’s a real emergency).
For the most part, people make up all sorts of excuses, work being the excuse that was given to me. As hard as it was for me to not want to be “flexible” and reschedule with this person that I was giddy and interested in, I stuck to my word and told him that it’s a deal breaker for me when someone cancels same day. I really want someone who:
Is organized with his time and commits/follow throughs with his engagements. This guy was all talk and no show!
Picks up the phone and calls to cancel. Getting cancelled on via text was what really made me disappointed because it showed zero lack of respect of my time.
Genuinely apologizes for the cancellation. No apology was given to me, which show’d me that this person thought it wasn’t a big deal in his eyes to cancel and casually make it a reschedule opportunity.
This experience while sh*tty, was a good reminder for me that when sticking to my boundaries (even during times that are difficult) I show myself the respect I deserve.
So here are Top Boundaries when dating to show yourself respect:
1. Decide what you are willing to be flexible on when scheduling the first date.
Are you okay with a guy asking you out same day? Asking you to just hang out? Do you want real plans like dinner or something thoughtful that demonstrates the guy is putting in effort? Should they pick up the phone and ask or is texting okay with you? Remember – you teach people how to treat you by what you’re willing to accept.
2. Be clear with your intentions, whether you’re looking for a long term relationship or a Netflix partner on Fridays.
Be very clear with yourself on what exactly it is you want. If you’re not clear, you will find yourself easily involved with ambivalent men just like you. Once you know what exactly it is you want don’t deviate from it, you’ll still have to weed out the frogs, but know the right one will show up!
3. Stay grounded in you.
It’s fun and exciting to meet new people and think about the potential love that could blossom. However don’t lose sight of you, still hang out with your friends, focus on the things that you were doing before you started dating and gradually let someone become part of your life. If you find yourself on a first date that’s last one week and you’ve forgotten about your life… RED FLAG, you need to step back and take things slowly with boundaries.
4. Walk away (FAST!) when you see red flags.
Excessive drinking, drugs, emotional abuse, people show you quickly who they are if you pay attention to their actions. It’s the actions that speak louder than words. So not showing up on a first date when it was confirmed the previous day clearly spells out, I’m not willing to make you a priority to get to know you and that’s okay.