You’re amazing, a powerhouse, confident, beautiful, intelligent, respected… when it comes to your career you have it all together.
But there’s one thing missing in your life – a significant other. Maybe you’ve been single for a week or maybe it’s been years, regardless of how long, having someone to connect with romantically, physically and emotionally is a wonderful feeling and you deserve it.
It’s tough, I get it…
Working 12 hour days, traveling, attending meetings, having countless clients to please and by the time you get home all you want to do is veg out by yourself (and maybe with your furry friend) on the couch with a large glass of Pino Noir and binge watch your favorite show on Netflix.
But in between your long work days, reality always seems to find a way to smack you in the face…Whether it’s dinner with friends who are married, family being nosy, or attending a wedding and meeting new people, the dreaded question …
“So are you married, dating, single?”
Always finds its way into the conversation. No matter how hard you try, there’s just no way to dodge this question. Each time, you quickly change the subject to work because when it comes to your career, you glow and love sharing your many accomplishments. Your journey to finding love on the other hand, has a forecast that seems to be dark and gloomy making it seem the least bit appealing to share.
I personally hate answering the dreaded question, it’s yet another label that society creates for people to either make up a story (based on assumptions) or judge. Being in a relationship doesn’t mean you are NOW “happy”, being married doesn’t mean you finally “made it” and are “worthy of love”. Most importantly being single doesn’t mean something is wrong with you.
I’ve been single for sometime now and it’s by choice. I love my freedom, I’m financially successful so I don’t “need” a man to provide and I decided a long time ago I would never settle for anything less than what I want out of a relationship and neither should you.
I do want a long term relationship and I believe that being in a relationship is another layer of self reflection. Making time to find someone and developing the relationship has been challenging because of my career, travel and other life goals. The biggest life goal has been learning to emotionally love and care for myself and not seek validation from others.
If you are currently single, do you find yourself:
Saying YES to events in your social life when you really want to say NO!?
Do you treat a first date like an interview and are quick to pick out the faults of someone?
Do you have a hard time opening up about yourself emotionally? MVP awards at work, promotions, landing big deals are all easy to talk about, but when it comes to your personal life, are you iffy about what you share?
Shop for a new outfit for first dates?
Find yourself stalking your date online before you meet him/her?
Fantasize your entire relationship with someone you’ve just met and in minutes you feel like this person is the one?
Do you have a hard time being single, mini relationships that last for just a few days or weeks?
Have you been on dates where you’d rather be at home in your pajamas watching TV Netflix (Chelsea Handler) or The Bachelor?
If you answered yes to any of the questions above
Then there’s an opportunity for you to shift your mindset and behavior about dating. Yes, there are plenty of books, online content and coaches that teach you how to land the guy/girl of your dreams, how to know if they’re the one… happily ever after in no time, advice, guides… it’s all available at the click of a button. But until you’re emotionally OPEN to the relationship it will not happen.
How do you become emotionally OPEN to a relationship when there’s limited time to date and your career takes up so much of your schedule?
Do you WANT it?
This is a simple question that you should ask yourself, do you really want to be in a relationship? Yes or No? Some women are perfectly happy being single for the time being. If you DO want it… make time for it period and make today the day you no longer use time as the excuse to find love.
Be emotionally OPEN and practice.
If you have a hard time connecting with people emotionally, or feeling your way through experiences, try having conversations with people you’re close with first by using “I feel” statements. This will help you start to get out of your head and into your heart. For example something as simple as when you are drinking coffee in the morning,
Instead of saying this coffee is good, say I feel good about drinking this coffee.
By using “I feel” statements, you will learn to gradually open up to yourself up to the dating world.
Don’t stalk OR fantasize about your dates.
Break the habit or thought pattern by setting zero expectation when meeting someone and date them to solely learn about who they are as an individual and the journey in life they’ve been on thus far. Make meeting your date a surprise verses running a background check on them beforehand.
Come as you are, and feel good about it.
If you have a tendency to stress about getting ready for a date and spending $$$ on a new LBD specifically for a first date, stop it!! Feel good about what you already have to wear, most guys don’t even remember what the hell you wore on the date anyhow. No need to go out of your way to hire a glam squad for a single date, it’s personality that will keep the guy interested not the latest Lubattons.
Attitude and how you feel before the date is important, if you’re in a shifty mood about it, then go back to asking yourself if you really want to be in a relationship? If you do, then accept that dating is the process you must take to get you there just like developing a new skill is what you have to do to land a higher position or interviewing candidates is how a business fills an open position.