One of my biggest fears is flying and I have to do it weekly for my career. Every time I get on the plane and they shut the door, I look at the flight attendants, look at the person sitting next to me all buckled in, squeeze Potpot and tell myself…
“Here we go again, another safe flight is happening now.”
The anxiety behind it isn’t so much the plane blowing up in the sky, or free falling in my airplane seat if the plane goes haywire. It all stems back to the need to CONTROL. We all have it in some shape or form, for me it’s flying and the need to know:
- What the pilot was doing hours before flying
- Who the person flying the plane is (I wish I could play 20 questions with all the pilots)
- Who the people are that are on the ground checking the plane and “ensuring” all bolts are in place and this big piece of metal is ready to go back into the sky once more
Each time I fly, I get to practice letting go of control and embracing the choice to trust and let life unfold as it should. Facing one of my greatest fears has allowed me to look at how the power of choice propels one to evaluate.
So what does the need to CONTROL look like and what does choice look like? If you have the following thoughts or behaviors, it could be an indication that you are trying to control the situation, outcome or even a person. Next time, think about choosing choice and the practice of letting go.
1. CONTROL: Seeking perfectionism (nothing is ever good enough)
- Choice – if something doesn’t go right, it’s okay to get messy with life… that’s what life’s all about. Grammar mistakes on my blog I like to leave as a reminder to myself (it’s f*cking okay if I misspell words).
- Choice – try and be grateful for the experience. Similar to life, some flights are smooth and some are terribly bumpy and not fun, however all end safely on the ground (the true end goal).
2. CONTROL: Feeling like you have to do everything yourself (always feeling disappointed by others)
- Choice – allow people a chance and know that people will fuck up (just like you). Be detailed and kind in your asks. TRUST people who hold similar values as you to do things for you. Next thing you know, there’s tremendous amount of support around you (wink, wink Kimmy – TY ?)
3. CONTROL: Predicting someone’s behavior or feelings – (rabbit hole if you try to act or do things to get a certain reaction out of someone… all just to control an outcome that may or may not make you feel “happy”)
- Choice – letting go in relationships means you take ownership of how you feel about experiences you have with the person. If someone doesn’t treat you the way you think you deserve to be treated and you find yourself making up excuses, you have a choice in continuing down that path in that particular relationship or developing a new one that aligns with what you want in your life
- Choice – quit telling other people how they should think, feel or act. This is a projection of you not the other person. Honor the people around you, their feelings, thoughts and behaviors.
4. CONTROL: Being impatient (rigid behavior, need to have it your way)
- Choice – give yourself plenty of time to be patient. If it’s a day where you’re hitting all the red lights as you’re rushing to get somewhere… consider it a sign you should slow down and take a big inhale.
- Choice – not where you want to be with your life (love, job, money wise)… it takes time and you have to consistently keep at it. Getting frustrated and giving up isn’t going to get you where you want to be.
There are so many other ways CONTROL likes to come out and test people in life. Write down your own control triggers and figure out what CHOICES you want to make instead of needing to control. Embracing the power of choice becomes enjoyable and life will begin to surprise you.